Recall feeling

I never think about him over again after all I've done never work.
But last night i dream about him. I think I already forget the feeling, but not.
I dream I met him and he change already including his name.
"Ahem" is his new nick name in my dream.
I don't know but I feel warm in my heart and miss him again
and I sure that in his dream it's not happen, only me
I don't know why I dream about him
I don't want put hope high like he dream the same with me and remind me
or he thinking about me till crazy and call my soul because I'm his soulmate
I don't want to
That just dream is better for me
Impossible he think about me when he got every girl he ever wanted
I don't want to taking high my hopes
make me hopeless and pathetic
Recall that feeling is good
that all
no more
and yes I will erase it again

25 November 2016

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Kamu

Apa kau tahu aku merindukanmu?

Apa kau pernah memikirkan ku?

Apa aku begitu menyedihkan?

aku merindukan orang yang tak boleh kurindukan

aku ingin bersamamu tapi tidak mungkin

aku memikirkanmu dan tak bisa menghentikannya

ingin kuhentikan tapi rasanya semakin dalam

membuangpun selalu kembali lagi

aku tahu rasa ini akan hilang bila ku tak bertemu denganmu lagi

tapi aku selalu ingin bertemu lagi dan lagi

merindukanmu kembali

mengenangmu di hati

meski...

hanya aku yang merasa

hanya aku yang mengenangnya

Denpasar, 6 April 2016

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You've married?!!! you are...

My friend said that you were married. I don't wanna believe it. First because I already move on. I think I can let you go. but than you come to my life again, remain me the feeling. I can't, I can not stop loving you. After that you will never marry anyone because you just for me.
I the middle of the night when I really miss you, I see your wedding picture. Yes, you are. You married. I can believe you choose that awful girl than me. You know her face just like my crazy neighbor who stay next my room. So awful!!! but you choose her.
You know I try my best to be somebody who deserve to you. and if you remember you have asked me a question about what I wanna be, I gonna answer it someday. but now it useless. maybe this is my huge mistake. let you down.
Yes, I know that you deserve to be happy and you belong to somebody. and I guess that somebody is me. I want you, sometime I call you just to hear your voice. to fulfill the empty of my heart.
but now i have nothing. i am nobody have nothing to keep stand to face the day.
I miss you. I try so hard to erase this feeling from the beginning but it's always there. i try to push you away but you always here, in my heart even in my mind.
I know you don't even think of me. I the one who gone just like that. I want be a better person who deserve for you. I want to be a better person when I proudly answer that stupid question, but at the end of the day, when the sun goes down and the night come up, I realize that I just a looser have nothing to left.
I started it. I the one who make it happen and now I end up miserable.
I don't want watch romans anymore. that make me so pity to my own life and the worst part is it never happen in my life. I know romans only in movie. the true maybe happen but not work for me.
I sleep much make me think less and spent hurt day so fast. I don't need to think about you. you know when I nod my head to left and you mirror it. I hate that I always remember you when I doing that. When you joke about I run around the class. and other stupid thing. all stupid thing.
You already move on with your own. And here I am, pick up all the past and wish that mistake never happen. When I just gone from you without saying anything. I was a little girl who didn't know how to show you what I feel. when I grow up and wanna tell you its too late.
I happy for you. I do. I hope you have wonderful life. Hope the girl know how lucky she is to have  you, I always wish your life happily ever after...

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