Perfume

The person through me have a good smell
she stand around me
people come to her just because the smell
yes, the smell is good
I know it
I also smell it and stay by her side because that
then time gone
she's gone

Now I all alone
I miss the smell
I miss her and people around her
but the people will change when they around me
because my smell not like her

I have my own perfume
I like her but I will not change mine
I know everything just for her not for me
although just for a while but it so warm

I so blessing meet somebody like her
thank for time and people
it so warm, I never feel it before
it so warm and burn me to die

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Question for you

Can I ask you to hold me tight?
when I ask that will you do it right
take me on your side

maybe not because you are not mine
I can't that even just imagination
you have somebody else

can I ask you why you treat me that special
that make thing I am your number one
and she your past history and will gone

maybe you don't meant it
but I know you also feel it

Do you know that you crush me
why you not kill me
am I doing something make you hate me
then torture me

my ear recognize your voice
my smile up when you around
my heart so warm when you with me
but you are not mine
and will never
somebody else taken you
somebody else have you

why you not just killing me
I like alive in fake life
always laugh when I want to cry
act fine but I already die
enjoy all suck thing
are you make fun of me
you get my heart then you throw it away
do you realize that I always cry

Do you know what I want?
I want to hate you but every time I meet you I forgive you
I want to forget you but there is so much memory about you
I want to let you go but every time I see your face I never could
I want you know that you are the one for me
I want you know and hold me
I want you just with me
I want you so badly

Denpasar, February,  2nd 2015

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Standing alone

I standing here alone
I starting thinking about time has gone
I begun to cry
I begun going crazy

Time already flew, nothing left in my side
you gone just like that
like there is nothing happen
or maybe I though that happen but its never

So funny when we look at each other
I see u fine but I should try
try so hard to make everything look fine
hold my heart not to beat

From the first time you told me u have girl
then u made I felt be the special one
but never be your girl
and everything so fun

Yes, this my fault fall in to you
my mine know what to do
but my heart  jump out every time I look at you
naturally be around you
whatever you ask I always say no
I couldn't say yes, wish you know

but truth is true and I am not your
then you gone with your girl and I standing here
keep my feet stand well
keep laughing like a bell
act like there is nothing wrong is hell

Yes, this is my fault fall in love
now my heart broken like a glass
I put it one by one make it stick together like before
but I never success

there is a big hole now
try to full fill but I don't know how
try to remain what I do before met you
try enjoy all day without you
try as good as I could

and when I standing here alone again
I cry then going crazy
I can't let you go to be my history
but I can't hold you beside me
I just nobody

I never regret about this time
but let you coloring my day is wrong
since the first time you are not mine
I can't do anything but let you gone

can't willing you with another girl not me
hope you not happy and go back to me
realize that I your somebody
not friend certainly

but I can't compete her because she is the one
and I standing here alone
I starting thinking about time has gone
I begun to cry
I begun going crazy
then I stop do that even I can't

Denpasar, February,  2nd 2015

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A letter for my beloved

dear you,
My mind can't work so good know. All I wanna say that I want you. Please say that you want me too. Leave her because she not the truth. I swear you will disappointed if you let me go.
Can I ask you something? Why you said all that shit if you never have felling for me. Why you always help me out. Why you act like me the only girl make you live? why?
then you say that you have a girl. then you say that you love that girl. what is that mean.
you make me confuse.
First time you said that I am not like the other girl. you say that I'm special one, then you said you my friend. I remember that you ever said to other that you are my boy. then you always by my side. always there for me. you the sweetest. you make me fall for you. I'm crazy about you.
if you know just a second not see your face, I die. but I can do nothing. because we just friend. then we meet again. we getting closer, and closer. I let my self fall to you. I wanna say that I want stand beside you. I really do.
Then that happen. you say you have a girl since the first time we met. you say you love her. please don't do this. I want you.  I don't know how to make it right. I don't care about the world because all I want is you. why you do this to me?
am I ever hurt you? why you hate me so bad. You make me fall in love to you then you just go with another girl. I never understand that. am I ever doing something wrong? am I ever said something hurt you? am I?
I really don't understand but you take a step. you left me and I just standing here. in the first place we meet. this place throw my dream to be with you. I really hurt. this thing messing me up. I can't think right.
I will learn how to let you go. I will learn to happy when you happy with her. I do. I really hope your happiness. and sooner or letter you will forget. or maybe you never remember. maybe our story just illusion, maybe that never happen. maybe me hope to much.
I will let time cure this broken. maybe someday we can smile to each other or maybe we like people never know each other. I don't know. I will try the best I can do...
but I always thank for you who came to my live and teach something worth....

December 31th, 2014
sincerely

your just friend

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All I want

I want to believe that everything will be alright
but at the end that just a bullshit
I want to believe if we doing something we will get a thing
but I already try everything but I got nothing
I want to believe it, I do
but all my fate just gone piece by piece

This live full of arrogant people
they think they own this world
this live full of the fake
killing behind, betrayer, have no brave
this live full of lie
what we see is not the truth

Is this live just nothing?
people be good until they get what they want
is this live just nothing?
all smile is fake, that weapon to kill
is this live just nothing?
how I could get something

Play drama, fake smiling, talk a lie
everything full of that thing
is that any truth?
I miss it

I want I can sleep without worry about anything
wake up in the morning with face full of smiling
because I know all problem can be breaking
just with a trusting

I want to have a believe
that ugly people don't mean ugly hurt
all people is pure like Eve
this live must full of ark
that must be a gift
all be good each park

But I live in the real
all I do have a deal
if I can't full fill it that worse than be kill
why this live can't through with chill

I know why they do that
I understand, I bet
but because live just fate
all sad is bad
but all happiness is fake
how could I live with all I get
live like this so hate
killing or be killed like big cat
all getting worth with people have bleed
never better without sad

Nov 10th, 2014

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Live

Sometime I just wanna give up and let it happen
sometime I want to stop, look same from the beginning
sometime I bored and just wanna sleep the all time
sometime I just wanna quit, look I never do an effort

Nothing make me survive, everything hopeless
nothing hold me to stay, everything useless
nothing I really wanna do
nothing

But I can't stop, it just happen
but I have to survive, although nothing hope
but I have to through

This happen just like that
this happen out of my mind
this happen without any excuse

I know I can run, but I don't know where I have to go
I know I can stop any time, but I will pay it worse
I know I can doing nothing to help my self
I know I can't hope an help
I know it already

This way not to hard but complicated
I get in but there is no way out
it's not so dark but everywhere is wall
no door

I stuck here
run just waste my energy
think can't make nothing handy
smiling make everything so badly
so I watch everything
hear anything
ya, just walk on it
ya, that live

Nov 10-12th, 2014

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I tell you my secret

Do you know when I act so stout
actually I hiding my crumbly
do you know when I so hard
actually I hiding my soft side

Because I don't want anyone feel sorry about me
because I don't want any attention from this
because I want see who can see through me

Are you really believe when I say never, that no chance?
are you really believe when I said impossible, that no possibility?
you just see the outside, judge me
it really hurt me

When I said never you just step back and stay
when I said impossible, you doing nothing even waiting
if you see me, the real me
you will know I ask you wait for me
you will know I want you like crazy
you will know I need you badly
you will know I defending from fall for you
you will know I am nothing without you
you will know I die when there is no you

But you so blind, you never know that
but you so arrogant, just judge from the outside
but you always like that, maybe much better I step back
I waiting for time, when I never see you anymore
I will forget you a little bit, then a little more
until someday it be no feeling more

Why you so blind? I already show you
why you so arrogant? I always ask you to stay
why you just like that? you hurt me

maybe that why we will never be together
you can't understand me
and I clumsy, can't fit with you
if someday you realize, it already late
but yes, I was love you

Nov 7th, 2014

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